Photography Contest || Courtesy United Nations. Named 'First Annual World Oceans Day Photography Contest'
Do not miss this golden opportunity.
All entries must be submitted by June 3rd, 2014 at 5pm Eastern Standard Time (EST). No entry fee.
For the required details, click on the link.. http://worldoceansday.org/photocontest
All the best !!
A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display, he discovers a detailed bronze sculpture of a rat.
The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner the price. "Twelve dollars for the rat, Sir," says the shop owner, "and an extra thousand dollars more for the story behind it."
"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but, I'll take the rat."
The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him.
Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars.... following him.
Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.
No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes racing to the water's edge a trail of rats as big as twelve city blocks long is behind him.
Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with with one arm, while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can throw it.
Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown.
Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.
"Ah Sir, you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.
"No," says the tourist, "I was just hoping you had a bronze sculpture of a lawyer!"
Photo credits: Sanjukta Sen
A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.
She decided to check out each place first.
As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop.
As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.
"Oh my," said the writer.
"Let me see heaven now."
A few moments later, she ascended into heaven.
She saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop.
As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.
"Wait a minute," said the writer. "This is just as bad as hell!"
"Oh no, it's not," replied an unseen voice.
"Here, your work gets published."
What are the different ways of getting off a tram?
The 1st person gets up, looks around and gets off the tram.
The 2nd person gets up, looks around to see if he's left anything behind and then gets off the tram.
The 3rd person gets up, looks around to see if anyone else has left anything behind and then gets off the tram.
In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the driver took the railway company to court.
At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.
'Congratulations,' the lawyer remarked to the engineer when it was over. 'You did superbly under cross-examination.'
'Thanks,' the engineer murmured, 'but he sure had me worried.'
'How's that?' the lawyer inquired.
'I was afraid he was going to ask if the damned lantern was lit.'
After a number of years being in England, Santa decided to visit his native village in India. But he decided to spend a few days in Bombay and then a day in Delhi to pay homage in the Bangla Saheb Gurdwara near the Connaught Place.
He landed in Bombay and a friend received him. He enjoyed his sightseeing in Bombay and after a couple of days boarded a train for Delhi. He went into deep sleep in the train. This train reached Bhopal at about 8 a.m. Someone in the compartment had put on the radio, and the Hindi newsreader's voice said, Yeh, Dilli hai. This woke up Santa. He got up hurriedly, collected his bags, got down and went out of the Railway Station. He got into a cycle rickshaw and told the puller to go to Bangla Saheb Gurdwara near Connaught Place. Now this clever rickshaw puller of Bhopal smiled to himself, and was on his way.
After two hours the rickshaw puller, with a worried look told Santa that he had lost his way and would like to ask someone for direction. Saying this he got of and went to a nearby teastall and started having tea while telling the joke to other rickshaw puller.
In the meanwhile Santa was getting nervous and impatient. Luckily, he saw Banta coming his way in a rickshaw. Santa ran towards him and requested him to alight to listen to him in private, out of the hearing of his rickshaw puller.
Banta nodded wisely and got down and listened to Santa's woes.
Santa explained in a whisper, "You know, my rickshaw puller seems to be a rogue. He has been taking me for a ride. Two hours ago I started in his rickshaw from the Railway Station for Connaught to go to Bangla Saheb Gurdwara and now he says he has lost his way."
"You have become impatient in two hours," said Banta. "I have been in my rickshaw for the last ten hours to go to Karol Bagh and my rickshaw puller has not reached Karol Bagh."
A priest is about to go on a missionary trip to Africa. Before he goes, he prays to God so that he will be safe when he goes. God said 'Do not fear, I will protect you on the way only if you have complete trust in me.'
So when the priest is walking on a mountain in Africa, there is a huge avalanche and the priest finds himself clinging by his fingernails above a lake full of crocodiles.
Soon a group of tourists come along and ask 'Do you need any help?' 'No, I put my faith in God' answered the priest.
Later a boat comes along and the people inside ask if he needs any help. Again the priest says 'No, I put my faith in God.'
Later people in a helicopter ask the same thing. Again, the priest still puts faith in God.
At that point the priest falls into the lake and gets eaten by the crocodiles.
In heaven the priest asks
'What went wrong, why did I die? I had put my faith in you.'
'Well I don't know. I sent a helicopter, a boat.....'
Bill, Jim & Scott were at a convention together & were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.
After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken & they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.
Bill said to Jim & Scott, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting.
I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25 flights and Scott can tell sad stories for the rest of the way."
At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes & Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing & Scott began to tell sad stories.
"I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!"
A monkey one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.
As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.
"Wow, this is great," he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight.
Lots of other monkeys, all free and nibbling on bananas. "Hey," he called. "I'm a monkey from the laboratory and I've just escaped.
Are you wild monkeys?" "Yes. Come and join us," they cried.
Our friend trotted over to them and started eating the bananas. It tasted so good. "What else do you wild monkeys do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful.
Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?" "You see that tree there? It's got papayas growing in it. We eat that as well." The papayas tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. "It's fantastic out here in the world" he told them. "So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked. "I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't." The wild monkeys all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here." "I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the lab. I'm dying for a cigarette."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Here is what some of the famous physicists purportedly have to say..
Albert Einstein: The chicken did not cross the road. The road passed beneath the chicken.
Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross roads.
Wolfgang Pauli: There was already a chicken on this side of the road.
Carl Sagan: There are billions and billions of such chickens, crossing roads just like this one, all across the universe.
Jean-Dernard-Leon Foucault: What’s interesting is that if you wait a few hours, it will be crossing the road a few inches back that way.
Robert Van de Graaf: Hey, doesn't it look funny with all its feathers sticking up like that?
Albert Michelson and Edward Morley: Our experiment was a failure. We could not detect the road.
Ludwig Boltzmann: If you have enough chickens, it is a near certainty that one of them will cross the road.
Johannes van der Waals: Some say it was a sixth sense that led the chicken to cross the road. I say it was a sixth power.
David Hilbert: I was standing on the side of the road and a chicken came along, evidently in some kind of strange state. I informed it that it was nevertheless still in my space, so it went across the road.
Blaise Pascal: The chicken felt pressure on this side of the road. However, when it arrived on the other side it still felt the same pressure.
John David Jackson: You’ll find out after you complete this 37-page calculation.
Henri Poincare: Let’s try changing the initial position of the chicken just a tiny, tiny, tiny bit, and….look, it’s now across the road!
Enrico Fermi: In estimating to the nearest power of 10 the number of chickens that cross the road, note that since fractional chickens are not allowed, the desired power must be at least zero. Therefore, at least one chicken crosses the road.
Werner Heisenberg: Because I made darn sure it was standing right next to me on this side.
Richard Feynman, 1: It’s all quite clear from this simple little diagram of a circle with lines poking out of it.
Richard Feynman, 2: There was this good-looking rooster on the other side of the road, and he figured he’d skip all the games and just get to the point. So he asked the chicken if she’d like to come over to his side, and she said sure.
Erwin Schrodinger: The chicken doesn’t cross the road. Rather, it exists simultaneously on both sides…..just don’t peek.
Charles Coulomb: The chicken found a similar chicken on this side of the road to be repellent.
John Bell: Since there are no local hidden chickens, any hidden chickens you find must have come from far away. They therefore surely must have crossed at least one road on their way here.
Henry Cavendish: My dear chicken, I have calculated with the utmost detail and precision the density of your insides. Now, for the sake of my precious sanity, I beg you, stop that incessant clucking and be gone!
Arthur Compton: There were a bunch of chickens waving at me on this side of the road, but then a car came along and they all scattered to the other side. The funny thing is that the ones that ended farthest away were still waving at me a few minutes later. So apparently, the ones that scattered the most had the longest waves.
Hans Geiger: I don’t know, but I say we count how many times it crosses!
Howard Georgi: It can cross all it wants, but I’m going to sit here and wait until it decays.
Edward Teller: I will build a more powerful chicken, and it will cross the road with more energy than any chicken before!
Oskar Klein: Actually, it can get to the other side of the road without crossing it.
Satyendra Bose: An identical chicken already crossed the road, so this one was much more likely to do the same.
Wallace Clement Sabine: If you listen very carefully, you can hear the pitter patter of chicken feet, which implies that a chicken must be crossing the road.
Sir David Brewster: Let me give you my angle on this….
Galileo Galilei: The chicken crossed the road because it put one foot in front of the other and took a sufficient number of steps to traverse a distance greater than or equal to the road’s width. Note that the reason is not because the earth is the center of the universe. Oh, great… another jail term.
David Gross, H. David Politzer, Frank Wilczek: The road is not wide. And at short distances a chicken is free to do whatever it wants.
Robert Millikan: It didn't. It made it part way and then just sort of hovered there, apparently feeling an equal pull in both directions.
Peter Higgs: We must first find the chicken.
Nicolaus Copernicus: The chicken was moving at a slightly different orbital speed around the sun.
Fusion researchers: Because it knew that in 30 years it would get to the other side.
George Francis FitzGerald: It had its doubts, but after starting across the road, the chicken observed that the distance to the other side didn’t seem quite as large, so it figured it would continue on.
Leo Szilard: First one chicken crossed. This then caused a few more to cross, each of which in turn caused a few more…
George Atwood: The chicken wanted to introduce a setup that would enable it to pose a question and thereby torture future students over and over and over...
Johannes Kepler: I don't know. But I'm glad it did, because as it waddled across, it was kind enough to sweep the area of the road with its wings. And it did so at an astonishingly consistent rate.
Robert Pound and Glen Rebka: It was out for a morning jog and wanted to get its heart rate up by crossing over the crown of the road.
Robert Hooke: At first, the chicken was drawn across the road. But after passing the middle, it felt an increasing desire to return to the original side. It did end up making it to the other side (just barely), but then decided to return. I believe it is still going back and forth on this.
Lisa Randall: The only thing about the chicken we ever discuss is why it crossed the road. There are many more dimensions to it than that!
Norman Ramsey: I don’t know why, but I do know that it took 4.71988362706153 seconds to get there.
Pierre de Fermat: Forget about why. I’ll show you how it can get there in the least amount of time.
Neils Bohr: In attempting to answer the question by observing the chicken, I collapsed its wavefunction to the other side.
Gustav Kirchhoff: It actually crossed the road twice, due to a strange desire to form a closed loop.
Louis de Broglie: Interesting, it always seems to flap its wings an integral number of times before it comes back.
Michael Faraday: No, again? How many times do I have to tell it to stick to the safety of its cage?!
Max Planck: It appears to be a white chicken. Sorry, I deal only with black bodies.
Sir William Hamilton: With regard to the issue of crossing the road, the chicken made it to the other side by taking as little action as possible.
Hugh Everett: I don’t know, but there’s another one over there that isn’t crossing the road.
Edward Witten: 50 years ago, you probably would have said there was no hope of answering this question either.
Archimedes: I was running through the streets yelling and screaming, and it was only afterward that I realized I was carrying a chicken.
Amadeo Avogadro: What, just one? I deal only with very large chicken numbers.
Ptolemy: Someone will probably think of a simpler explanation in a few thousand years, but the present understanding is that the chicken crosses the road because it is constrained to move on this here sphere, which in turn has its center on this one over here. The end result is that, except in the rare case of retrograde chicken motion, the chicken does indeed cross the road.
Marie Curie: Good question. And one that is much less hazardous to one’s health.
Willebrod Snell: I’m not sure, but I did notice that when it stepped onto the road, it changed its direction.
Johann Carl Friedrich Gauss: Draw a pillbox around the road, and consider the flux of chickens through the box. If a chicken leaves this side of the road, then assuming that there are no chicken sinks or sources, it must end up on the other side.
Johann Balmer: Why are there only two lines in the middle of the road?
James Clerk Maxwell: Ok, Miss Chicken, let’s figure this out together. Hold out your right foot…. yes, that’s it…. good…. now curl your talons…. right…. now look at your…. hold on – you don’t have any thumbs!
Osborne Reynolds: No idea. But I can see from the ruffled feathers that this was turbulent chicken flow.
Karl Schwarzschild: The sad thing is, I know I could have answered this question too.
Christian Doppler: It always sounds a bit down when it’s heading over there, but rather upbeat when it’s coming back.
Edwin Hubble: Strange, it seems to move faster the farther away it gets.
Ernest Rutherford: The differential cross section for forward chicken scattering is quite large, so the chicken will most likely cross the road if it was initially heading in that direction.
Lene Hau: Well, I wish it hadn't. It cut right in front of me while I was out for a bike ride, chatting it up with a photon.
Stephen Hawking: Chicken fluctuations will inevitably create a scenario where a chicken ends up on the other side of the yellow line, in which case there is a nonzero probability that it will escape to the other side.
Lord Kelvin: I don’t know. But I think the road actually starts back there a bit.
Daniel Bernoulli: Because it enjoyed flying to the other side. Ok, wait, can someone tell me once and for all if I’m relevant to all this flying stuff or not?!
Robert Oppenheimer: Although it was deemed appropriate at the time, people will forever question whether it was correct for the chicken to cross the road.
Credits for the joke: David Morin of the Department of Physics, Harvard University
A man was stopped by a game warden in Ontario recently with two buckets of fish leaving a water tank well known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man: "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden: "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?!" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to water tank and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take them home."
"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said: "Here, I'll show you. It really works."
"O.K. I've GOT to see this!" the game warden replied.
The man poured the fish in to the water and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said: "Well?"
"Well, what?" the man asked.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"What fish?" the man asked.
A farmer was at a diner one day having lunch when he noticed an old friend. What really caught his attention was that this friend was wearing an earring.
The farmer knew his old buddy to be a fairly conservative fellow, and was curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
The farmer walked up to him and said, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
The farmer was silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity got the best of him and he asked "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my truck," the man replied.
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"
"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."